I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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