bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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