I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
