you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize