there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
