thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
