Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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