Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
