I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
