Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
