Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i think i have two assholes
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
