is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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