So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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