Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
