What tipped you off? The sombrero?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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