Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
