paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
