This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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