Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
