Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
