i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
