Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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