Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
