We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
