Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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