So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize