I never want to see another naked old woman again.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
