oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Blood and glitter go together right?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize