why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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