My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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