I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
