Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Less talking, more tequila
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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