I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
