so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just google imaged poop.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
