we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
