jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
