im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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