No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
