Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
