and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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