: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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