There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
