arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
