So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
