the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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