He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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