So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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