he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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