No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
