I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Randomize
