woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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