Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
This is not my ceiling
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
