My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
