before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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