OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
