i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
