I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So much rum. So many feels.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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