I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
there's paper in my vomit.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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