Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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