I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
