Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
