I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
