I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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