my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
