you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
