remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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