Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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